A few weeks ago a pregnant friend of mine updated her Facebook status saying “Dear Every-Woman-Who-Ever-Said-You-Loved-Being-Pregnant: I’m pretty sure you just don’t remember it.” And now that I’m experiencing pregnancy for myself I have to say that I agree with this statement 100%.
Before becoming pregnant I thought I knew about the symptoms that go along with having a bun in the oven. I knew that morning sickness was a thing and thought that it made you vomit first thing in the morning and vanished after the first few weeks. I knew that your appetite increases and you can sometimes experience cravings for strange foods. And later in pregnancy your feet can swell and your back can hurt from carrying around the extra weight. I had even read this article on cracked.com that talked about some of the worst-case-scenario symptoms of pregnancy but those were all just worst case scenarios, of course. Overall I had the impression that pregnancy is a beautiful time when you glow with motherly radiance and spend each day marvelling over the little miracle growing inside of you all of that crap.
Yeah, I was blissfully unaware of what was in store for me. And this is very strange because I work with young children and am constantly surrounded by pregnant women. (Seriously, why didn’t any of you warn me?)
So far I haven’t found a single thing about being pregnant that I enjoy. I now know from experience how several of those worst-case-scenario symptoms feel firsthand. I know that morning sickness really means “all-day-long-every-day sickness” and the only thing I radiate is contempt for everyone who is ignorant enough to tell me to enjoy every moment of this blessed, blessed time in my life as a woman. I want to punch every single one of them in the face.
We’ve recently starting telling people about the baby and after the congratulations people usually ask how I’m feeling. In reply I’ve joked about starting a blog called “Pregnancy Really Sucks” in an effort to educate people about the brutal reality of being pregnant. I don’t spend my free moments wistfully rubbing my belly and reflecting on the beauty of getting to carry the baby with me for nine months. I spend my free moments wondering “Will I poop today?” and “Can I even remember the last time I pooped?” and “If I take anymore Metamucil is it going to completely destroy my lower digestive tract?”
And don’t tell me that it will all be worth it in the end. I know that the first moment I lay eyes on our child will be one of the most beautiful moments I will ever experience (because it will also mean that the pregnancy is over.)
So we’ll see how often I’m able to manage to update this blog. I’m not holding much hope considering that most of my free time is now dedicated to sleep and crying about how filthy my house has become because I have very little energy to do anything other than sleep.
Now if you excuse me I’m going to go sip a ginger ale and chew about a million antacids.